We are going to be moving our son to another club,” an impatient parent told me a few years back. “My son gets very frustrated with the losing and when his teammates are not good enough. We are going to a better team.”
“Your 12 year old is frustrated with losing and teammates,” I asked in disbelief. The child in my mind was growing as a player, the team was developing, and the environment and coaching was top notch. “Isn’t he thriving? Do you really want him to win all his games right now? When will he learn to lose?”
“Maybe he doesn’t have to learn how to lose just yet,” said the parent. “His new team wins everything.”
“Good luck,” I said as I stood up, ending the conversation and knowing full well how this was going to end for this boy. It was no surprise when I heard three years later that he was done with sports. I have no idea how his life went from there, but I am quite sure that unless he eventually learned how to face adversity and lose, he was in big trouble.
Loss. Failure. Struggle. Suffering. These are all inevitable aspects of sports and life. This is the path of the champion. And sports is an incredible place to give our children reps at facing these difficult circumstances, losing and learning, suffering and growing. And yet far too many kids are protected from this essential lesson that the greatest athletes and highest achievers have learned. They are often protected by parents from struggle, making coaching nearly impossible, and growth unachievable. It is sad. And it must change.
On June 9, 2024, Roger Federer gave the commencement speech at Dartmouth College. It is a speech that is vital for our young athletes to hear, because in it he shares his lessons learned from losing. Federer, the 8x Wimbledon Champion and one of the greatest players of all time, challenged the audience with a question. After explaining that he had won almost 80% of his 1526 matches throughout his career, he asked “What percentage of points do you think I won during those matches?”
The answer may surprise you. Only 54%. That’s right, the best players in the world lose nearly half the points they play. “When you lose nearly every second point on average,” said Federer, “ you learn not to dwell on every shot.”
